THE CHALLENGES (and joys) OF BEING ILLITERATE, INNUMERATE AND RENDERED MUTE!

Some of you may know this – others not – but when I was in Melbourne I started learning Spanish. But to say the least I was remedial – the class dunce (and clown, the obvious deflection from not having done homework etc).

I arrived here in Barcelona with a pseudo arrogance borne of being a native-speaker of the colonising language – English. Well fuck me, but hardly anyone but tourists speak English here!

This is a blessing I reckon. I have to stiltedly struggle as my 2 words multiply to 10 to 20 to really really animated mime and much pointing and laughing. Muy comico!

What is unexpected is when I have communicated required purchases I find it mu disconcertante that I then fluster around with my money, sometimes handing it over in fistfuls while condescending shopkeepers count it back to me both slowly and LOUDLY! A universal reaction. When so many nations use the same currency, why have the 5E and 20E notes so similar – and I now see why we got rid of 1 and 2 cent pieces!

On the other hand the spectacular joy of communicating with the newsagent about what "horas su tienda abierta? " (hours is his shop open… though this was written with the help of google translate which I did not have) or how to cook these amazing looking clams … I’ll post a picture in another blog… is quite indescribable.



Indeed my first victory was – eventually – purchasing super glue - if you look closely at the pic you'll see i accidently bought solvent... which I'd have known had I read the ENglish! I was rapt when I eventually successfully purchased superglue! There was also some difficulty communication my need for a fold up shopping bag. Bonus it folds up into a strawberry! While I was there I discovered my name was also the brand name for sanitary pads here. I had wondered why my teacher had a slightly amused smirk at my name! I hope I get see some cheesy ads for them too!

BY THE WAY DID I FORGET TO MENTION….
When I arrived at my first class I discovered I’d been put in level 2 – WTF!!! They all knew some Spanish – I sat there like a stunned mullet!
They’re all MULTI-lingual – everyone speaks English (competently!) and their first language in my class that’s German, French, Swedish and Swiss. Many speak smatterings of other languages… all of them have basic Spanish!!!
If I strain I kinda get whats happening (and that’s improving!) but the lag is a good 5 minutes and – as always – I try to do things differently. SO rather than just repetande the sentence fragments learnt, I want to embellish (clumsily) with description.
Anyways this week Ash arrived – another oz probs at the same level. .. his first words to me? Ohh maaate – this is fucken hard shit aaaayyy!!
My housemates – who have more Spanish than me but are in lower level classes (!!!) giggle at my inability to retain language they know I know. EG today I said thank-you as I arrived home.
The other day I tried to ban myself speaking English (it’s the default language at home) … I lasted til 2pm. I was largely silent (which had its virtues for some I’m sure ) mimed a lot and made people laugh – but it was a good challenge I plan to revisit.
I actually suspect if I learn any Spanish I will speak it with a German/Dutch accent (my current housemates) … But hey, at least I can roll my r’s!

Anyways adios amiga/os!

Hoping to do another blog after my siesta and my deberes (homework)